Dan dug the biggest holes, extracting entire stumps from the earth.  I’m sure he went deeper than is legally allowed without a permit.  I told him to watch out for water pipes.  He said he was listening for any kind of “clank” sound.  I was not reassured.

Dan always manages to look crooked.

There was all sorts of stuff back there as it’s a backyard that has not been used in over twenty years.  There were old screen doors, broken down bricks, and roofing materials.  But it was that Oriental bittersweet that was the worst.  THE WORST!  I’d find a vine of it and start to pull, and this entire network of roots would start to lift up from the topsoil and span across the yard.  It got very creepy, very fast.

I started having these waking nightmares, as I continued to pull it up and unwind it from the fence, of waking up the next morning and finding it coursing through our bedroom window, one finger-like tendril as intent on my demise as I was on its.  It didn’t help that I had just finished reading this fascinating New Yorker article about pythons taking over Florida.

But I survived the entire week’s vacation and made it out with just a black eye.

I'd look tougher with a cigarette coming out of my mouth. But I quit.

I got clocked by a feisty little sapling.  I was trying to wrest it from the ground when it balled up its twiggy little fist and let me have it.  I ran in the house to cry and left Jaime to take care of it.